I Want A Draft Do-Over Part Two

3:Jenny Lewis(drafted 5th overall in the 3rd round)

People that know me know that I had/have a long time crush on Jenny Lewis and she has managed to stay up there in my mind. I used to blog about her incessantly on my old blog(I can't seem to search for specific posts on there but they're there). She used to be my special girl that no one knew about. I still brag to people that I saw Rilo Kiley play in a cafeteria at UC Berkeley in front of no more than 30 people. Last time I saw them they were playing a huge show at The Grand Ballroom in San Francisco. Freaking Feist opened for them. I still think shes cute and has an interesting voice, but her last few efforts have been whack. I do not regret picking her at all but I think I could have taken her later. I don't think Pierre would have taken her.

4: Gweneth Paltrow(drafted 8th overall in the 4th round)

Ok, what the fuck was I thinking? I totally dropped the ball here. Yes, Gweneth Paltrow is beat ums worthy, but I honestly could not think of anyone at the time so I panicked and she popped into my head because I just saw her on Conan. It was the first week of Conan, and I was all excited to have Conan back in my life, and there goes Gweneth Paltrow, and I think "Fuck, she looked hot with red hair in Iron Man." That was a stupid pick. For God sake she's fucking the anti-Christ. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

5: Jennifer Connelly(drafted 9th overall in the 5th round)

Kind of feel the same way about picking Jennifer Connelly as I did with picking Gweneth. Sure, I'd love to spend the evening with her, but is she top 5 worthy? I don't know. I think I was thinking about that scene in Requiem For A Dream. Also I had it bad for her after Labyrinth, but I saw that movie like 15 years ago. Questionable pick, but yeah. I blame lack of focus and preparation.

Girls I Should Have Drafted

-Veronica Belmont, host of the online show Tekzilla and Qore on the PlayStation Network

I can not believe I spaced on her. She is like a geek's dream. I could ask her about which new cell phone I should get and her cuteness rating is off the chart. Plus she could probably hook me up with a PS3 because she's tight with Sony at the moment.

-Rose Elinor Dougall(aka Rosay, formerly of The Pipettes)

My jaw hit the floor when I saw The Pipettes at a show in Chicago. Polka dots never looked so good. I dig her deep voice and her Casio keyboard skills. Rosay always sang about not wanting a nice guy. She sounded like she liked it rough, and that intimidated me a lot. I don't think I would be able to satisfy her, but hopefully that was just a persona that she was playing to benefit her image in the band. Now she's gone solo, and is taking inspiration from Angelus Silesius, whom I have never heard of, but hopefully this is a sign that she wants a nice boy like me.

-Neko Case, Amazing Musician

I should have stolen her from you Pierre. That's who I thought your first pick was going to be. I never mentioned that to you. Either her or Diane Keaton. I thought about stealing your precious Neko from you but I guess I was too busy thinking about Gweneth FUCKING Paltrow?!?! What the fuck was wrong with me?

-Ellen Page, actress

Okay, I'm losing focus again. I'm just kidding I would not draft Ellen Page. End post.

I Want A Draft Do-Over Part One

Last month, on our sweet podcast(please subscribe) Pierre and I drafted 5 fantasy beat ums. I cann only speak for myself but I did not put as much thought into it as I should have. If given the opportunity I would still beat those girls, but after thinking about it for a month I'd like to recognized some terrible omissions. First here was my draft in it's original state.

1: Zooey Deschanel(picked #1 overall)

I am not second-guessing this pick at all. She is still adorable. ADORABLE. I was staying with my friend's Beth and Rob in Chicago and they had recorded something on their DVR about Gilmore Girls so I wanted to watch it. First commercial is Zooey in a Cotton commercial.

God I want to have sex with the irises in her eyeballs. I'm sorry Zooey I do not talk like that to women. I just think you are the cutest thing and that is how I express that. Anyway, point of the story is that I never watched that Gilmore Girls special. I watched that commercial 5 times though. I'm watching it again as I type. She is my number one no doubt.

2: Anne Hathaway(drafted 4th overall in the 2nd Round)

Looking back on this pick I was sort of wishy washy about it. At the time I had it in my head that Pierre would be definitely be taking Anne Hathaway, so I kind of jumped the gun on her.

Sorry, watching the video again. I should not have added that until after I was done writing. This is going to take much longer.

Just even the thought of talking about Anne Hathaway at the moment is making feel lazy. I guess I think she is really beautiful but I have no attachment to her beyond that. It's not like with other nerd crushes where you at least go to their Wiki page which I have not done for Miss Hathaway. Conclusion: She's on my list, sure come to bed Anne but I have no interest in anything you say.

Sorry, I'm just going to fap to this video and go to sleep. Numbers 3-5 plus my more than honorable mentions.

I'd beat ums: Feburary edition

I'm counting down the top things that will make February sweet.

5. More Podcasting

It brings me so much joy knowing that we are on iTunes with all the other internet celebrities. I think about our show everyday, thinking about how we can do better and get our show out to more people.

4. Valentine's Day

Kinda doing V-day very low key this year because fiancee is going to Canada(always in Canada, why don't you move there! And take me with you! Montreal is ahhh-some). We're going to our favorite all you can eat sushi place which I've been craving Japanese food since the year started.

The neighborhood Japanese restaurant shut down for some reason. Probably because I've only had worse service at only one other place(Olive Garden on Hesperian Blvd, Hayward). The food wasn't too bad. Good spicy salmon rolls, teriyaki chicken, but they always fucked up orders. We never wanted ginger dressing on the salad and almost 8 out of 10 times they would bring our salads in orange ginger goo. The point is I have gone too long without Japanese food.

3. Mario Kart Wii Game night

We're going to do exactly what Nintendo wants us to do. They want us to play their best game, using their archaic online system where we can't talk except through premade text bubbles. Screw the man. We're gonna use the great Skype. To talk mad profanely and to pick up friends of Chris Hansen.

Prediction: I will plug in AND turn on my Wii at least once a season. So far this winter. Nothing but MK Game Night will change that.

2. Street Fighter IV

Can't say much. I just know I really want it. I really want to make an excuse to buy a fighting stick. I am not playing IV with that shit controller. C'mon taxes. I need to beat CJ and Jay's asses. Maybe Dibs if he buys it.

1. I'm getting laid off

Nothing has been confirmed but my place of employment has informed me that after February my department will not exist. There are opportunities to move to other areas, but I just want to stop working there. Give me my free money, let me go home to drink tequila, and I'll do a solo podcast hammered.

(edit)

I just overheard someone get fired today. Another co-worker got "escorted" to the elevator. It's happeneing.

I'd beat um's: First Lady edition

I know everyone is talking about it and it's sort of taking away some of the gravity of the situation, but I didn't get to see Michelle Obama's gown at the Inaugural Ball until I saw it on Headline News during lunch today. I didn't really think she was that attractive until I saw her in that dress. Perfect choice. She looked so amazing. It inspired this sick list of First Ladies that I would beat um's with. The only prerequisite is that they had to be First Lady within my lifetime(1980-present). Also, I'm viewing the First Ladies as they were at the time they were First Lady, so it's not about what they look like currently. The "bookends" of this list are pretty obvious, but I'll list them anyway.

6: Barbara Bush

I don't really need to explain myself. I'm disgusted with myself already. This list was a terrible idea. Let's move on. Quickly.

5: Laura Bush

She's not that bad and would have totally ranked higher than where she is, but man. She's was hitting it with the worst president of my lifetime so far, you know? How sick am I for ranking an idiot fucker higher than Barbara Bush...Lose the zero and get with the hero Laura.

4: Hillary Clinton

Again, I think Hillary is cute and would be totally down for that, but placing her here goes beyond looks. She just...intimidates me. I don't need to get dominated by power hungry women. She doesn't seem like the type to get into foreplay too which is a big turnoff. I might have ranked her too high because of bias(specifically political views), but whatever.

3: Nancy Reagan

This is probably the wat tha fuuck dude moment of the list. My only defense is that I was a kid when she was first lady, and you love your government when you're a kid no matter who's running things. She was going to fight the drug war, fuck yeah I love you Nancy Reagan. I will always think of her fondly.

2: Rosalynn Carter

It's all about looks here folks because I know nothing about her. I shouldn't count Rosalynn Carter because when she was first lady I wasn't aware of it. I was born at the end of her tenure and I was a little occupied with learning motor skills and changing my own diapers, but she is quite stunning. She could be an air hostess in the 60's even, one might say.

1: Michelle Obama

She's like that album that comes out in November that you call your favorite album of the year even though you were so sure it was going to be another album that came out in March. She's got that sheen on her, but I don't care. Smart, Great toned bod, amazing smile...sigh.