I'll come back tomorrow. I tried playing Gears and I'm on the last stage. Sucks to play alone. I'll finish it Friday after awkward medical party number forty two hundred and seven. Forty two and eight it on Saturday. Gamefly kindly sent me two more games: Castlevania Order of Ecclesia, and Midnight Club LA. They both told me: Get the metal Marine douche bags back to Gamefly base, mmmkay? Sigh, I'll try.
edit
This is the third night in a row I've gotten drunk. I'm not finishing Gears tonight and the awkward med school party is tomorrow. I'm going to play Midnight Club because I can just mail off Gears on Monday so I have time. Played a lot of Castlevania today, and it's pretty fun, but hard as balls.
Friday
Wednesday
Why does she have to be a she? (Part One)
So as you may or may not know, I have a problem meeting people here in Chicago. I am not one of the confident sociable people in our circle. I'm was very dependent on others to increase the size of my social circle. It is so much easier not to do any work, but I think I'm suffering the consequences of sitting on my hands all those years.
Anyway, the best places to meet new friends are school and work. I don't have any scientific evidence to back that up, but it seems like common sense that that statement is true. I haven't been in school since 2005 and even then I didn't really try to make friends at SF State. I made one friend, and I love her dearly. She really helped me survive college and I always tell her how grateful I am that she had the nerve to approach me in Creative Writing 101 because I was wearing the White Stripes T-shirt I got at their show the night before.
Before I go on I just want to mention that I am full of excuses.
I don't really feel like SF State was the best environment for me to meet people. People call it a commuter school. It doesn't feel like anyone sticks around on campus. You take the BART or the bus, you go to class, you work on projects, you leave. Yeah, they had clubs and such(I was surprised that they had fraternities), and no people didn't avoid each other because the didn't have time to talk, and no of course there wasn't your share of stoners who laid on the grass all day doing nothing. I just didn't do any of those things. I went to school to work, to listen to music, and to smoke a bowl and skip class to sleep in my car.
Like I said, I am full of excuses, but I guess to be more precise, I am full of anxiety.
So I don't have school. The alternative is to make friends at work. I work at an office. I hate my co-workers. Maybe that's too strong. My co-workers, for the most part, are either overweight middle-aged women on welfare with dead beat husbands and 16 kids or lazy disillusioned early twenty somethings who think there's actually a future career awaiting them at this office. Let me show you examples of my interactions with both groups and why I am turned off by them.
If I had to choose, the middle-aged women rub me the wrong way the most. They are so fucking horrible and just vile, vile human beings. What really bugs me is how fucking hypocritical they are. They do the least amount of work and always complain about how the company treats them like shit. With good reason because they are the main reason why our productivity as an office is so low. Rather than work, they just gossip all day. Mainly about each other, but the subjects change from time to time. I don't understand that at all. They seem very friendly to each other, but as soon as someone leaves, they go on and on about how they can't stand that person. One lady comes to work and takes a nap at her desk. Every day. Don't get me wrong, I mean the work that we do is more boring than playing Mass Effect(ZING!) but, and this is going off on another tangent, but why doesn't anyone fire her? Managers fucking walk by, and see her sleeping. Sometimes for as long as an hour. No one says anything. No one wakes her up. All we do is make fun of her which is funny at first, but after you start thinking about how I have to stay because we're behind, you start blaming people who don't fucking do shit.
I realize that this is going off into many directions and I'll have to continue this at another time because I need to finish Gears of War, but let me just talk about that other sub-culture at my workplace.
So there are the kids my age. Or around my age. Anyway, I fucking hate them too. It's all this fucking aggression I've had since high school. Same kind of fucking people. This story I will never forget. I had just returned from my solo trip to New York and I was telling my co-workers about the lovely time I had walking around Manhattan alone in the fall. One of my more vociferous co-workers heard me talk about New York, and she interrupted me with the blunt question, "Did you go to a club?"
Now at that moment I just kind of blanked as I tend to do. When she asked me that I had envisioned her idea of a club. Hip-hop(bad hip-hop, sorry bad hip-hop fans), vodka, bitch fights, Seth Green saying, "I gots to get laid tonight," etc. However I had failed to remember that I did indeed go dancing Halloween night because our favorite DJ's, Snack n' C'mish was doing a holiday gig. They played that funky ass song with the "Chicaago, Chicaago" hook in it twice for me which was awesome. Anyway I didn't associate that night with going to a club. That night was fun. Going to a club does nothing for me. So I said no, no I didn't go to a club.
"Pssh. You went all the way to New York and you didn't go to a club?"
"YES BITCH! BECAUSE THERE ARE OTHER THINGS BESIDES STUPID CLUBS IN NEW YORK YOU FUCKING AMOEBA!"
What really bothered me is that all of the younger people actually found logic in her response. Like, "Huh, that's true. Why would you go to New York for any other reason than to go to a club? Makes sense. Spiz wasted a trip to New York." I just couldn't believe it. That was so insane to me. After this happened I just felt more and more detached from the people at work. They look at me strange because I don't find satisfaction in the things that they love like trashy reality TV, mindless action movies(Someone called me retarded for hating Transformers because there was too much Shia LaBeouf and because Optimus Prime used EBay) or reading Danielle Steele. They think it's absurd that I used to DJ. Like I wasn't cool enough to DJ or something.
I accept that I am partially at fault. Like I really should not concern myself so much with the fact that we have completely different tastes. Of course this is not possible because I am fucking neurotic, insecure, and extremely defensive. I cannot take the idea of not being accepted, and after coming back from New York, that loud bitch who asked me that absurd question drew a line across the sand whether she knew it or not.
So what am I getting at? I'll continue tomorrow, but basically I'm intrigued by someone at work, and I'll never talk to her because she's a woman, and I want to have sex with every woman who acknowledges my existence, and I can't go and do that(love huh)for obvious reasons.
Anyway, the best places to meet new friends are school and work. I don't have any scientific evidence to back that up, but it seems like common sense that that statement is true. I haven't been in school since 2005 and even then I didn't really try to make friends at SF State. I made one friend, and I love her dearly. She really helped me survive college and I always tell her how grateful I am that she had the nerve to approach me in Creative Writing 101 because I was wearing the White Stripes T-shirt I got at their show the night before.
Before I go on I just want to mention that I am full of excuses.
I don't really feel like SF State was the best environment for me to meet people. People call it a commuter school. It doesn't feel like anyone sticks around on campus. You take the BART or the bus, you go to class, you work on projects, you leave. Yeah, they had clubs and such(I was surprised that they had fraternities), and no people didn't avoid each other because the didn't have time to talk, and no of course there wasn't your share of stoners who laid on the grass all day doing nothing. I just didn't do any of those things. I went to school to work, to listen to music, and to smoke a bowl and skip class to sleep in my car.
Like I said, I am full of excuses, but I guess to be more precise, I am full of anxiety.
So I don't have school. The alternative is to make friends at work. I work at an office. I hate my co-workers. Maybe that's too strong. My co-workers, for the most part, are either overweight middle-aged women on welfare with dead beat husbands and 16 kids or lazy disillusioned early twenty somethings who think there's actually a future career awaiting them at this office. Let me show you examples of my interactions with both groups and why I am turned off by them.
If I had to choose, the middle-aged women rub me the wrong way the most. They are so fucking horrible and just vile, vile human beings. What really bugs me is how fucking hypocritical they are. They do the least amount of work and always complain about how the company treats them like shit. With good reason because they are the main reason why our productivity as an office is so low. Rather than work, they just gossip all day. Mainly about each other, but the subjects change from time to time. I don't understand that at all. They seem very friendly to each other, but as soon as someone leaves, they go on and on about how they can't stand that person. One lady comes to work and takes a nap at her desk. Every day. Don't get me wrong, I mean the work that we do is more boring than playing Mass Effect(ZING!) but, and this is going off on another tangent, but why doesn't anyone fire her? Managers fucking walk by, and see her sleeping. Sometimes for as long as an hour. No one says anything. No one wakes her up. All we do is make fun of her which is funny at first, but after you start thinking about how I have to stay because we're behind, you start blaming people who don't fucking do shit.
I realize that this is going off into many directions and I'll have to continue this at another time because I need to finish Gears of War, but let me just talk about that other sub-culture at my workplace.
So there are the kids my age. Or around my age. Anyway, I fucking hate them too. It's all this fucking aggression I've had since high school. Same kind of fucking people. This story I will never forget. I had just returned from my solo trip to New York and I was telling my co-workers about the lovely time I had walking around Manhattan alone in the fall. One of my more vociferous co-workers heard me talk about New York, and she interrupted me with the blunt question, "Did you go to a club?"
Now at that moment I just kind of blanked as I tend to do. When she asked me that I had envisioned her idea of a club. Hip-hop(bad hip-hop, sorry bad hip-hop fans), vodka, bitch fights, Seth Green saying, "I gots to get laid tonight," etc. However I had failed to remember that I did indeed go dancing Halloween night because our favorite DJ's, Snack n' C'mish was doing a holiday gig. They played that funky ass song with the "Chicaago, Chicaago" hook in it twice for me which was awesome. Anyway I didn't associate that night with going to a club. That night was fun. Going to a club does nothing for me. So I said no, no I didn't go to a club.
"Pssh. You went all the way to New York and you didn't go to a club?"
"YES BITCH! BECAUSE THERE ARE OTHER THINGS BESIDES STUPID CLUBS IN NEW YORK YOU FUCKING AMOEBA!"
What really bothered me is that all of the younger people actually found logic in her response. Like, "Huh, that's true. Why would you go to New York for any other reason than to go to a club? Makes sense. Spiz wasted a trip to New York." I just couldn't believe it. That was so insane to me. After this happened I just felt more and more detached from the people at work. They look at me strange because I don't find satisfaction in the things that they love like trashy reality TV, mindless action movies(Someone called me retarded for hating Transformers because there was too much Shia LaBeouf and because Optimus Prime used EBay) or reading Danielle Steele. They think it's absurd that I used to DJ. Like I wasn't cool enough to DJ or something.
I accept that I am partially at fault. Like I really should not concern myself so much with the fact that we have completely different tastes. Of course this is not possible because I am fucking neurotic, insecure, and extremely defensive. I cannot take the idea of not being accepted, and after coming back from New York, that loud bitch who asked me that absurd question drew a line across the sand whether she knew it or not.
So what am I getting at? I'll continue tomorrow, but basically I'm intrigued by someone at work, and I'll never talk to her because she's a woman, and I want to have sex with every woman who acknowledges my existence, and I can't go and do that(love huh)for obvious reasons.
tags:
life
Tuesday
Where are the music videos?
I was thinking about music videos. Do they still make good music videos anymore? Not just a band performing on a stage, but you know like, music videos that meant something. A visual representation of the song. Like does Michel Gondry still do music videos, or did he say "VIDEOS ARE DEAD" a long time ago? If good videos are still being made, where does one watch them? Are they hidden in that black hole where lost left socks go?
They couldn't have done this in 1996.
They couldn't have done this in 1996.
tags:
music
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