This is like the worst possible time for this to happen(not my video, but I had the same problem).
Thursday
Wednesday
Fucking Mice Fucking Me Expose Myself n' Shit
We have more mice coming in the apartment. We think we found out how they're getting in. There's a hole where the pipe is under the kitchen sink. We quickly set a few traps inside the cabinet, and blocked the cabinets with my poker chip set because it's real heavy.
I have discovered that I hate rodents. I think I already knew that. Andrea used to have pet hamsters and I would jump whenever she would put them on me. I think I just don't like animals in general. I can't tell what they're thinking and I freak out at the thought of getting bitten, especially some alley mouse that's been chewing on my neighbor's daughter's used diaper. I don't think it(they) will be able to get out with the poker chips there, but who knows. I'm very uneasy whenever I'm at home. We're going to have to seal up that hole eventually, but I want to make sure there aren't any mice in there, so I have to wait for those traps to do their thing. I worry that even if we catch it(them), I'll try to work on the hole and hordes of mice will rush me, and then I'll just lose it.
I just broke down today. I'm so stressed out. Physically sore. I'm experiencing all the potential side effects from taking Ambien. Stomach aches, black outs, bowel problems(sorry). I can't sleep if I don't take it. Ever. I need to see a specialist and get off this shit, but I need to sleep you know. Work hasn't helped. We moved into a new building and I've been working long hours the last two weeks. Like 9-10 hours a day and I hate it.
I had one of those episodes where you just let everything out because you've been holding so much inside. I told Andrea everything I've been telling my therapist. I told her that I try so hard to make her happy. That no matter what I do I never feel like it's enough. I told her I hated myself for crying over a stupid thing like this little mice problem we've been having. I told her that I worry constantly about anything and everything, and that none of this is her fault. I am so afraid of telling her how I feel because I don't want her to be sad, or get mad at me. I'd rather carry the burden, this sadness inside of me. I don't want to share any of it.
It felt so good to tell her all of that. She told me she wasn't sad or angry with me. She just said, "You'll learn." She has hope for me which is awesome. I hope she is right. I need to have a little faith in myself, but at the moment it's hard to, but knowing that she does helps. Still I can't help but think that she didn't tell me how she really felt. That she was a little disappointed in me. Part of me was hoping she would say that because how could you not be disappointed in a young adult curled up into a ball, so afraid to deal with mice? I really don't know anything I guess.
I have discovered that I hate rodents. I think I already knew that. Andrea used to have pet hamsters and I would jump whenever she would put them on me. I think I just don't like animals in general. I can't tell what they're thinking and I freak out at the thought of getting bitten, especially some alley mouse that's been chewing on my neighbor's daughter's used diaper. I don't think it(they) will be able to get out with the poker chips there, but who knows. I'm very uneasy whenever I'm at home. We're going to have to seal up that hole eventually, but I want to make sure there aren't any mice in there, so I have to wait for those traps to do their thing. I worry that even if we catch it(them), I'll try to work on the hole and hordes of mice will rush me, and then I'll just lose it.
I just broke down today. I'm so stressed out. Physically sore. I'm experiencing all the potential side effects from taking Ambien. Stomach aches, black outs, bowel problems(sorry). I can't sleep if I don't take it. Ever. I need to see a specialist and get off this shit, but I need to sleep you know. Work hasn't helped. We moved into a new building and I've been working long hours the last two weeks. Like 9-10 hours a day and I hate it.
I had one of those episodes where you just let everything out because you've been holding so much inside. I told Andrea everything I've been telling my therapist. I told her that I try so hard to make her happy. That no matter what I do I never feel like it's enough. I told her I hated myself for crying over a stupid thing like this little mice problem we've been having. I told her that I worry constantly about anything and everything, and that none of this is her fault. I am so afraid of telling her how I feel because I don't want her to be sad, or get mad at me. I'd rather carry the burden, this sadness inside of me. I don't want to share any of it.
It felt so good to tell her all of that. She told me she wasn't sad or angry with me. She just said, "You'll learn." She has hope for me which is awesome. I hope she is right. I need to have a little faith in myself, but at the moment it's hard to, but knowing that she does helps. Still I can't help but think that she didn't tell me how she really felt. That she was a little disappointed in me. Part of me was hoping she would say that because how could you not be disappointed in a young adult curled up into a ball, so afraid to deal with mice? I really don't know anything I guess.
tags:
life
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
