Up until this past February, I haven't ever played a God of War game. Nothing against the game, but I have never owned a Sony console so that would make playing God of War a problem. Today I just finished God of War III and that has to be one of the best game experiences I've ever had. It's crazy because after playing Dante's Inferno, and completely hating it, then God of War I, which I didn't finish because nothing compelled me to do so, I had no desire to play God of War III.
Let me briefly take you back to the beginning of the year. Actually I'll just sum it up like this because I really shouldn't waste energy on talking about this piece of shit. If you think it was a good game and you want to discuss it with me, we can do that but I have a feeling that I'm not going to get much argument. To sum all of that up: I got really frustrated playing this game. I died at times where I didn't think I should have because of the stupid fixed camera and simple platforming that had to be done miles away from the camera so I couldn't see where the fuck I was jumping, the combat was not interesting or satisfying, and the story/the environments we're meant to be enjoyed by 12 year olds. Fuck you Dante's Inferno, you piece of dog shit, and more importantly FUCK YOU FOR HINTING AT A SEQUEL.
You should play this game if you like tits though. I'll say that. And penises too. In case you didn't know, the Devil has a giant black cock that he just really wants to show Dante. So play this game if you like that kind of stuff. Oh, oh and in the Lust level, guess what? VAGINA'S ON THE WALLS! EVERYWHERE! Honestly, I didn't care for all of that. This is supposed to be Hell, you know? I wasn't afraid of it at all.
After that fiasco I was surprised by my wife with a Valentine's Day PS3 aka the greatest Valentine's Day gift ever. I mean, you don't expect that kind of a gift on Valentine's Day. Anyway my first desire was to just catch up with all the Sony exclusive games that I've been missing out on. I rented the God of War Collection and I eagerly dove in. Man, people weren't kidding about it being exactly like Dante's Inferno. I could still feel that scar that Dante's Inferno left on nut-sack while going through God of War I. It wasn't completely the same though. I would agree that what I was playing was slightly more enjoyable than DI, but there were still things annoying me about it. The fixed camera still bugged me. The combat was definitely better though I wasn't very good at it, and there were two situations that pretty much caused me to stop playing the game. *SLIGHT SPOILERS HIGHLIGHT TO VIEW* The first part was that conveyor belt part where you have to push the pillar across the screen against a conveyor belt while enemies are attack you. I spent awhile on that part and after I got past it I told myself, "If there is something like this later in the game, I'm going to stop playing." Sure enough, there is a part during The Challenge of Poseidon in which you have to push a caged human, up a hill, while enemies are attacking you, and make sure you put the caged human on one of the few random ledges that are strung about this giant hill. If you don't do that the guy slides all the way down to the bottom and you have to start over.*SLIGHT SPOILERS END* Sure enough, I stopped playing.
God of War was fighting an uphill battle to win my affection. I had just been heartbroken by Dante and now, I didn't have the patience to do anything difficult, so I stopped. I didn't even bother trying God of War II. I figured, "Same shit. It'll be cool but I'll just end up getting annoyed." I needed to step away from action games.
I went to my local Blockbuster to rent some gaming goodness and there it was. The last available copy of God of War III. I could have played something else, but I was really hoping that Heavy Rain was going to be available but it wasn't. HEY! If you rent from the Fair Oaks Blockbuster and you have Heavy Rain: Why the fuck do you still have it? It takes 8 hours to finish it. Can you PLEASE return it already? Reluctantly, I grabbed it and took it home. I told myself, "It's a new game. You can't pass it up. Maybe it'll be good," but yeah, I was reluctant.
GOD OF WAR III IS AWESOME.
I love almost everything about it. It's a 9 hour non-stop thrill ride that had me smiling the entire time. I enjoyed every death and dismemberment in the game. "You need that eye? Too bad, I'm pulling it out and I'm going to cover myself in your eye blood. Oh that's a nice head you have. Now, it's mine and I'm using it for a lantern." It was always something different and it had me going either, "FUCK YEAH" or "GAWWW DISGUSTING!" The puzzles are challenging but not too difficult, and I looooove the combat. So much to do, so many options to kill people with. It was like Kratos felt my pain these last few months and said, "You know what? I'm angry too man. Let's say you and me take out our anger on EVERYONE THAT WE POSSIBLY CAN." The scale of the game is amazing too. This game did in fact do a lot of that stuff that annoyed me in Dante's Inferno in terms of zooming the camera back to make you see how crazy this situation is, but God of War III never asked me to do anything extremely difficult. God of War III never made me feel insignificant either whereas Dante's Inferno made me feel like a wimp lightly scratching enemies with my little harvesting tool. The people who made God of War III(Sony-Santa Monica) I think really understand the craft of making a good game. They kept it interesting, constantly moving you forward, and completely masked any kind of sense of repetitiveness.
I think that because of Dante's Inferno, I can really appreciate God of War III. I understand what is shit and what is fucking genius in terms of action games. So thanks Dante's Inferno for sucking balls. Now I have to go back to Blockbuster to rent Heavy Rain. If they don't have that, maybe, just maybe I'll rent God of War Collection and try to play God of War II. Probably not though. I just want to let this good feeling soak in. My next rant I'm planning is talking about Modern Warfare vs. my new lover, Battlefield Bad Company 2. We'll see though, I need to get my blogging legs back.
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