All eyez on me - Kaput

Pierre thought I should write about my experience at a New Orleans male strip club. I suppose I've shared this story several times whenever asked people have asked me about how New Orleans was, but I can't fully describe the richness of my experience as its been some time and my feelings seem detached from what otherwise should be a highly stimulating, palpable interaction with one of the jazziest, sexiest coolest places on earth. I'd say that is definitely one of my weak points, telling stories - stories from my life in particular. I think it could be a combination of indifference or an inability to fully enjoy my experiences, and a highly irrational belief that whatever I utter out of my mouth should sound entertaining and that wandering eyes translate into my inability to sound interesting. Sort of suffer from a need to please and make people feel comfortable, could be part Filipino accommodation trait / never being able to fully solidify a reasonably consistent sense of certainty in myself. The latter has always baffled me. This constant doubting tends to surface. I've found that in general I prefer to talk for short period of time. My reflective capacity and ability to articulate my thoughts clearly drastically reduces when I'm speaking to 3 or more people at once. I feel as though the task of having to to simultaneously entertain all 3 people at once causes me to focus on delivering an attention grabbing string of words that superficially entice versus taking the time to convey what I'm actually thinking in a reflective and insightful manner. There's this need for speed, to stage dive off the platform of prolonged attention because gazing eyes make me feel the need to entertain, to capitulate a highly exaggerated story which bears no significance except to make it seem like I'm half interesting and am not a prototypical quiet Asian that passively complies and has a penchant for rhetorical question asking to remain on safe ground (too lazy to give examples). However, I've come to accept that part of myself...

Like most Filipinos, I do laugh after I make statements to mollify seemingly tense situations. I say "that's cool" as a filler phrase to smoothen out conversations. I suppose the overt laughter and smiling is something I can safely say is uniquely Filipino. Before Manny Pacquio entered the ring before fighting Oscar Dela Hoya, he was smiling and giving the crowd high-fives. Oscar, on the other hand, was contorting his face to look menacing and like most boxers entered the ring with a quasi-pissed off demeanor. Only a Filipino can encounter a serious-ass situation and smile about it. The need to ease the tension...Easy kids.

Its about 1:32 Am in the morning. I should crash or I'll struggle to get out of bed 6 hours from now. I never made it to the male stripper story, but maybe next time..Fell into a bit of a psycholalytic trap, but I think it was pretty theraputic nonetheless.